Your mouth is God's brothel.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
