i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Success! We fucked roommates!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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