I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
