Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
