the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
