i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
