we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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