I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
