Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
