I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
