there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
