I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
