Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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