what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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