hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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