You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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