Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
