I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
