he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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