My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
