she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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