Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
