worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
