the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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