Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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