I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to make out with him forever
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I forget how to act sober
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
