I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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