Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize