We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
