and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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