booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I forgot wine drunk hurts
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
