Christians are straight up FREAKS
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
