Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
