Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
