he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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