His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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