Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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