Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
