He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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