just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
