I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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