i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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