I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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