soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now