nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..