Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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