My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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