He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.