Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
do herpes really smell.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...