If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.