I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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