Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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