I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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