how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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