Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you had me at cake vodka
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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