with your own penis?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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