i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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