Just mADE A PArabola og urine
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
