I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
