Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
