Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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