just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.