I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now