my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
