life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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