Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
