I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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