i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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