booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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