sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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