i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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