So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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